I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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