We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
