And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
