Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
