I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
