guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
