so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
If that was your dad, he is hot
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
