He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
