Non-Jews are for practice
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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