You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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