Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
