My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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