I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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