I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
