Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
