just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
