My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
