YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
