you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
