I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I want to fling myself into the sun
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
