That's intense
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
