I bet he comes in French.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Randomize
