WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize