She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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