I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
