Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
