I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
