she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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