Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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