Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Is it penis luge time yet?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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