I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
