I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
