u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
