The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
