watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
