The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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