It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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