Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
