umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
