i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
