It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
