I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
