I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
