So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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