my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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