Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
