If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
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