The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
