It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
