you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
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