I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
