3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Randomize
