ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
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