I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He passed out mid-signature
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
