I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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