But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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