1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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