You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize