The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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