you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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