This girl is more easily done than said...
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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