My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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