Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i came on her dog
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
