I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
