I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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