And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
