Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You need Xanax blowdarts
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
