I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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