I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
