remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
