i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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