i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
