Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
