There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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