too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I think your dad took our porno
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize