Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
