So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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