His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Randomize
