I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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