it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
