I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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