so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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