Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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