Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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