Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Soap is not a condiment
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
