I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
