There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I understand Curling. That high.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
