Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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