Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
